Black Friday, Thieves, Scumbags, and Poker Players

Black Friday, or as GCP puts it aPOKERlypse NOW, has come and gone and so has the Bat’s money. The Bat’s got cash sitting in an account that is frozen somewhere.  Not since a local congressman Crooked Jefferson, a bad 1-2 player at Harrahs btw, stored bribes in his freezer has so much Louisiana cash been on ice.  Apparently the DOJ and Homeland Security think going after online poker is good for business and good for the economy and good for our… safety?

As for business:  If it’s their business, yeah that make sense, been great for the business of the federal government.  Good for the people’s business? Don’t think so.  Cash strapped police departments just ran an illegal payment processor in concordance with the federal government to generate 500k in revenue.  Go to this local poker news site for more.  They’ve also frozen 100s of millions of dollars, which they will soon parse out to bloated federal programs any day in all likelihood.  Don’t be surprised if the IRS and state governments asked you for taxes (many of you already paid on Black Friday) on those funds you can kiss goodbye.  They’ll get you both ways.

As for the economy:  Hello, 50k of newly unemployed poker players.  Also, goodbye money that they spend freely, when that’s what the economy needs most people spending money like we aren’t in a recession.  So big airball on that one.

As for safety:  Not sure terrorists are the ones whose moneys been frozen.  See most of them live out of the United States and can still withdraw their money.  The ones that can’t are the average citizens that live here.  Not really helping matters at all.  Course that’s what we’ve come to expect from Homeland Security which makes their involvement all the more head-scratching.

The Poker Bat, has been on a bit of a sabbatical, but now that the Bat sees part time poster Kai Landry has gotten a blog out, which happens about as often as every other leap year, the Bat needs to dust off the cobwebs and blog.  This is the best he could come up with.  Moving on…

What else has been going on in the Bat’s life?  The Bat has been crushing games on the flooded side of the Mississippi.  Is it that hard to ask for our government to build levees that can handle better than a 1 in a 10o year flood?  The Bat hates to take monies of people suffering but that’s what usually happens in poker anyway.

The Bat has also been sighted at the World Series of Poker-Circuit event going deep in a tournament.  More than one tournament.  Any cashes to his name?  Uh, no.

The Bat won’t bore you with one outers or tales of runner-runners because the Bat don’t get badbeated out of a tournament he bluffs off his chips like a man.  These internet kids taught the Bat a thing or two about three or four betting just turns out when the Bat was polarizing his range with bluffs those kiddies had the goods.  The Bat is tired of polarizing, especially Full Tilt polarizing his online bankroll.

Swear it was like Halloween, every time the Bat made a move on a child in a tournament or a cash game, the little f’er had something in his goodie bag.  The Bat saw more pocket aces in somebody else’s hand then he’d care to see for a lifetime.

Vegas is calling the Bat, with that yearly siren

‘s song.  Come crash your boats on our shores while the other fools is holding quads–the Bat believes that is how the ditty goes.  Las Vegas, personified, would be like Katy Perry to the Bat.  She looks good from far, seems entertaining, and promises an ample bosom of pleasure, however up close, as Russell Brand is discovering Perry bears more than a passing resemblance to one of the cartoon step-sisters of Cinderella (google it, as close as Bieber is to a lesbian, alright the Bat googled it for you… you’re welcome), she’s probably spanx-ed and corsetted into appearing to have an awesome body, but without that elastic is likely all saggy tissue, muffintop, bingo wings, and mushiness, and that… voice, ugh.

Perry’s voice is like many singers interesting for one song, but then loses it’s bite with repetition.  It’s different so evokes a few listens, but far from the talent of other singers to become an iPod staple.  Can you imagine what Lothario and former womanizer Russell Brand is feeling now, that voice probably grates on his last nerve, and she’s probably comfortable enough to let it all hang out around him and pass gas.  You know being constricted all day must do a number on her bowels.  Sure does on the Bat, anytime he double t-shirts in to flattened his man-boobs.

Okay, that’s Katie Perry.  That’s also Vegas.  She’s fun for a night or two, she’s exciting enough to carry your interest, but don’t marry her, in fact, don’t stay too long with her, if she knows you aren’t in it for the long haul, try to wake up before she does and get our of town or else you’ll lose ALL your money.

The Bat wants to go the world series and may just do that, despite knowing behind the fake Katie Perry glam is an ugly step-sister.  But the Bat wants to ask Phil Gordon why he put a Bad Beat on the Bat’s Bankroll, and why he’s still asking for a piece of the players winnings to donate to charity.  You want a piece of my live bankroll too, now that you got all my online bankroll.  The Bat doesn’t think so Phil, your charity is all good, but the Bat has to question anything you do now, at least until the Full Tilt ship is righted.  And it takes a lot of gall to be front in center asking for money when your company is holding many players bankrolls.

Alright, poker players the Bat will be back with more… soon.

Poker, Poker, Poker, relax for 5 Minutes, Poker, Poker, Poker

The Bat is a crass individual, we know this. He is a steaming pile of anger, heartache, dysfunction, and Texas Holdem poker game genius. The Bat finds it aggravating that the rest of the world hasn’t recognized the complex, tortured soul that should be dominating poker at every level. Well… except for the min stakes and low stakes… and for that matter, the Bat doesn’t need to dominate the medium stakes either… well, the Bat should be dominating poker at its highest level. The nosebleeds. The rest of you can have the other levels.

Course, the Bat doesn’t have a bankroll to go all Isildur1 on the rest of the World. The Bat would like a bankroll to sit down with Phil Ivey and Tom Dwan and teach them the meaning on sitting on a pile of dynamite when the other guy is holding a lit match because that’s what it feels like when you are in a hand with the Poker Bat. You think poop goes through a pigeon quick? Try to look into the Bat’s soulless eyes as he triples barrels you to kingdom come in a Pot Limit Omaha game.

With that public safety message out of the way, the Bat is so looking forward to the Harrahs event in December. The structures are fabulous, the noted Nolan Dalla’s tournament reports are first class, and the event runs as smoothly as any does down here. The Bat thinks he could dominate the best of the rest that will populate the fields. The Bats says the best of the rest, because the rest of the best are headed elsewhere.

The World Series of Poker Satellite Circuit has seen fit to cannibalize itself and compete with itself. Why not throw a tournament in New Jersey at the exact same time, where anybody with a glimmer of hope to make the National Freeroll, will go there instead. Or Foxwoods with Darvin Moon or wherever that fellow bumpkin is hosting an event. Plus, Tunica had or is having something.

Seems like you can go most of the summer without a tournament but you can’t go a couple of weeks in the winter and spring without them overlapping. The Bat thinks these casinos should pay attention to what the rest of the world is doing. Each is too busy peeing on their piece of the snow to look over their shoulder to see where everybody else is peeing. Don’t pee into the wind or in front of others peeing. Tournament directors and casino managers must like getting wet when they go to the bathroom.

Speaking of peeing, the Bat recently played all night in a marathon high-low session and despite tossing back a few sixers didn’t pee for 12 hours. See, a half-hour into the game the Bat looked in on the bathroom and it made a truck-stop stall look like a dinner plate. Bat couldn’t tell what the different shades of gunk and funk were, so the Bat decided to pass up the ol’ WC. Then when the Bat got in his car, all at once there was a pressure like the Bat’s never felt from his kidneys clear to his firehose. Bat tried to get out of the car and get back inside or at least make it to a bush, but before he could get gone he went, if you know what the Bat means. Literally, the door was open only a second before the floodgates were.

The Bat will be cleaning his vintage car for days now. But it smells like the stairwell of the Harrahs parking garage which is oddly appropriate as that is where the Bat is headed next.

Anyway, the Bat destroyed the poker game but the poker game arguably destroyed the Bat’s car.

Wassup WSOP–Dealers Choice

The PokerBat is excited.  The WSOP has kicked off, with the employee tournament.  They don’t give the winner a bracelet or a ring.  The Bat thinks they should give them something.  Maybe a gold cut card or tip glass.  BTW, who deals for the dealers.  And why don’t the dealers’ dealers get to play?

Imagine if they asked the players to do the dealing.  How many would be so chartiable to do that?  Could you imagine guys like Phil Hellmuth, or Scotty Nguyen taking 12 hours out of their life to deal for the dealers.  I’d bet if they gave people that cashed the option to tip and serve as dealers, many would give a smaller tip and sign up to deal for the dealers.  Then most would no-show.  Can you say the Bat doesn’t have faith in humanity.  Uh, scratch that the Bat doesn’t have faith in poker players.  Which is a shame because as Annie Duke said, “Poker players are awesome!”

The Bat doesn’t think this idea is that farfetched and would love to see it done.  The Bat thinks it’s the least poker players should do.  They’d regain their appreciation for the dealers, because even the former dealers that went on to fame as professional players have forgotten what it means to be a dealer and treat the staff poorly.  I wonder if dealers playing in such a tournament would scratch old scabs and return the surly treatment they’ve gotten from players if the situations happenend to be reversed.

Can’t imagine the players would be too happy about cards being thrown in their face.  This is something the WSOP should consider.  Perhaps, they could then solicit the dealers and staff, to rank the best players as dealers (…not dealers as players) and give maybe two Main Event seats to the highest ranking.  Freeroll the mainevent by dealing for the dealers.  Surely, some lesser pros would take the opportunity.  Plus, it’d be good pr for many of the bigger stars.  ESPN would certainly take some footage of that to splice into the main event.  The winning player could be called Dealer’s Choice or something like that.  Course many of the players might need a refresher course on Texas Hold’em rules.