SuperBowl Thinkin’

The Bat watched the SuperBowl, one of 111 million people that did.  The Bat took a break from reading online poker news and playing poker online to do so.  Not worth it.  The superbowl in a word was:  Yawn…

*Big Ben gets another title and then goes down in history as a great quarterback?  That was the thrust of the pre-game hype even though the Wild Card team was justfiably favored.  Not interesting, but certainly reason to root against the Steelers as Rothlisberger is as charming as a coked up Disney Teen and as responsible. 

The real theme to this game?  Aaron Rodgers duplicates the success of his hero Steve Young by replacing a legend and winning a Super Bowl.  Slightly less non interesting but still boring.  Rodgers grew up in the Bay area and revered Montana and Young, but the 49ers passed on him because he seemed a little too confident. 

Confidence in a quarterback… no, you don’t need that… certainly don’t need somebody oozing in it to the point of being slightly obnoxious (Dan Marino, Jim Kelly, John Elway, Troy Aikman)…   how’s the non-confident Alex Smith working out?  One quality Rogers shares with his heroes?  Self-assuredness.  Then Rodgers goes to the Superbowl and puts up the kind of numbers only Montana and Young have matched.  Alright, that’s actually a nice plot line.  Shame the Bat in all the SuperBowl hype didn’t hear about most of it until after the Superbowl. 

In effect, the guy wasn’t playing against the ghost of Brett Farve in Green Bay, he was trying to match three legends.  Well done kid.  As for the aholes from Green Bay who went to the Super Bowl and wore Farve jerseys… get a clue.

*Next up, the National anthem.  Bat loved the over on 1 minute 54 for Christina Agulera.  Timed it, but started late and seemed like it was over two minutes.  Now the Bat hears because she botched it, a lot of weird payouts have happened at the books.  One paid out the under (wtf?), one paid out the over, and one couldn’t figure it out and paid both.  How hard is it to figure it out… heard of TiVo and a stopwatch.  The other easy prop bet was her holding the big note in the song.  Take the over with that drama-bomb every time.  Certainly don’t want to go anywhere near her under. 

*Michael Vick got a key to the city in Dallas.  WTF?  As far as the Bat knows the guy has no connection at all to Dallas, unless they are dog-fighting buffs.  Also, the Mayor is coming out and saying he knows nothing about the key in some reports.  In others he owns it but says:  “I will be open and more respectful and careful in how I move futuristically,” this makes sense only if he was a back up dancer for the halftime show.   This almost makes the Cowboys inept hosting of the Super Bowl look professional–who knew Dallas was so backasswards. 

What has Vick done to deserve a key?  Not killed or maimed or tortured any dogs since he got out of jail?  That gets you a key?  In the city of a rival?   Kate Gosselin hasn’t abused a husband  since her divorce maybe Disney World should have her leading a parade.  Gary Glitter hasn’t been a pedophile since he was put in jail, maybe he should be knighted.

*The Bat also is in the minority when it comes to the half-time show.  This chubby old coot almost wanted to get up and dance when he saw the curvaceous Fergie in a Tron outfit.  For a moment, the Bat felt like he was at a futuristic rave where everybody spoke in Auto-tune.  If only everybody electronically warbled when they talked, the world would be such a better place.  Who knew people would try to sing like Stephen Hawking. 

The Peas had Fergie sounded pitchy, but her shaking warmed the cockles of the Bat’s underbelly.  No idea who that Usher was that descended from the ceiling but he certainly got the Bat’s moobs jiggling too.  He’s probably a lot of fun at a picnic.  And shout-out to Slash playing a riff from twenty years ago when he was relevant.  Wonder if he thought then he’d be carted out by “important” bands like the Black Eyed Peas as merely an aside, a dusty, dinosaur relic to give them some sort of Rock cred, a literal live action footnote.   

All right, that’s it for the Poker Bat this week.

The Poker Bat Will Attack and You Don’t Want That! II

The Bat has so much good to say about the Brat, he of 11 Texas Holdem bracelets, and his leaving UB why not keep writing about it. You come to see what nugget of genius the Bat has turded onto this blog every week or so, and you care about Phil Hellmuth so the Bat will give his stable of low IQ readers more of what they love. You got another helping of the Bat’s thoughts about the Poker Brat. Look inebriated inbreds that make up the Bat’s readership understand, it can not be awesome reader mail every week, because the Bat has to count on you writing something legible or to figure out how to use your email often another to give the Bat something to answer.

Rumor had it that Philly had a stake in UB, but it’s doubtful any new deal with an established site will give him a piece of the pie.  An up and coming site, sure, but those usually don’t last too long.  As Deliverance Poker and the Mizrachis can tell you.  The Bat has to wonder why Phil, Doyle Brunson and Johnny Chan don’t open a site called 30+ poker. You really want to learn poker from the best?

Not for 30 year olds and over, though it would likely, successfully cater to that sub-group, but the 30+ would signify the number of bracelets they all wield. Doyle has Doyle’s room, and Chan has what All-In Energy Drink? Doyle’s Room is probably giving Doyle a little chunk of change but these three guys banded together are game-changers.

It’s not 2005, but for many older players that will be logging in once the restrictions are gone, poker is Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan, and Phil Hellmuth. Hell, to those law-abiding or no law but still abiding citizens (and not in a “The Dude Abides” kind of way, in a “there is no law outlawing poker but the older folk will still abide by the law they imagine outlaws poker”) poker stopped in 2005. Amarillo Slim and TJ Cloutier could probably be milked out of the last of their brand value too. Not like they would spurn the offer.

It would kind of be a poker site for those new to computers but old to the game. The 30+ would also take into account that the threesome might still win more bracelets (don’t laugh) so why limit it to how many they have now and have to change the name later. Or if you don’t want to go whole hog and build an entire brand around it, why doesn’t an established site kind of create an legends league for players over 30.

Sure, the Bat’s readers are more interested in popping their face acne then popping into Hellmuth and Brunson’s hypothetical site, but there is probably a group clamoring for it. How many times has the Bat seen some old-timer clunkily look out of place on the virtual felt and in the chatbox as it is. Gotta be some money to made by pooling them all together and they can check every street to their Nittiest contentment.

Then the guys like Doyle, TJ, Phil would have hand again as they’d suddenly be comparatively aggressive. If you build it they will come. Then the question is would youngsters flock to that site because they think they can steamroll it. What a problem to have people flocking to a new poker site to play poker.

Never understood why sites hired winners, why not hire degens that are known to give away money to represent you. Okay, advertisement, this guy is forced to lose his paycheck every Tuesday from 5 to 10. First come, first serve. Seems like the powers that be got it backwards, who wants to play with the Best?  Better to play with the guys that still think they are the best.

The Poker Bat Will Attack And You Don’t Want That!

The Poker Bat, your ambassador to poker knowledge and Badassador to the rest of the world, has some thoughts on his favorite Brat. The Bat imagines one day he’ll get the chance to sing “Philly” as the grizzled veteran Sam Grizzle once called him, off the table after dismissing that nit with deuce seven special that hit real snug against his over-valued overpairs. Until that day, the Bat must admit he’s enjoying every mis-step by Hellmuth as it comes to online poker games.

Good ol’ Philly (and by the way, it should be “ol’ ” why does Ole Miss use ole that’s something Mexicans say, not Mississippians) stubbed his toe on his way out the door at UB. He and Annie Duke picked up and left the embattled poker site, and now UB is headed by noted poker pro Joe Seebok (?). What is Cereusly going on over there. While Philly will probably land on his feet as the face of some poker entity’s online poker tournaments what will happen to Duke?

The Bat knows rats are first off a sinking ship and the Bat doesn’t want to call good ol’ Annie Duke and good ol’ Philly Hellmuth rats but they are jumping ship. The Bat’s wondered why big brother Howard hasn’t been signing Annie’s pay-checks for some time, so it’s probably only a matter of time before Duke is cuddling up to Jennifer Harmon in Full Tilt gear. Though you got to wonder if the self-declared best woman in poker is going to enjoy another woman at her side in photos. Her friendship with Erik Seidel could help get the deal done, though likely it’d just take Howard’s consent–at least it appeared that way in the Jimmy Fricke email fiasco.

The real question is does Full Tilt need her? What kind of market does Duke provide? What new players are going to sign on because Duke is there? Truth is parting ways with UB might be welcomed both by the company and by Duke. UB is still a yellow and black mare on the reputations of many associated with it and now Duke doesn’t have to answer questions on their behalf anymore. For UB, the volatile Duke while at one point a strong advocate also brought some “haters” to the brand.

Phil Hellmuth is as divisive as he is popular. Nobody is a better self-promoter in the game, including Daniel Negreanu, and lately Tony Dunst. While Hellmuth is a brand, you need only look at his Tiger Woods wannabe hat to see that, he’s not opening any new doors for many sites either. Truth is there are sexier possibilities for new sites, and Hellmuth doesn’t really fit the Full Tilt mold.

PokerStars seems a better fit despite their movements to go young and international, Phil seems to be the type of star that could cozy up to Daniel Negreanu in one of the Pokerstars specials, and offers a good counter point to the potential of Jason Mercier. They have a great stable and he wouldn’t be out of place there because unlike Duke he kind of transcends a brand.

Philly kind of likes to be the Main Guy so perhaps a stake in a new site or a European one looking to make inroads in the United States. The merger of bwin-party poker is interesting as they might have the kind of clout to afford poker’s biggest free agent and he’d be a great marketer of them when they return to the United States after U.I.E.G.A. is overturned. They are a very savvy consolidation and the Bat wouldn’t be surprised if Hellmuth is squarely on their radar. Course, the only problem with singing Philly Hellmuth is you get Philly Hellmuth.