The Bat gets some emails ,some of them touting the Bat’s innate ability to play poker and some of them questioning it. You don’t have to be a 300 pound man chained to computer monitor to understand the Bat’s greatness but apparently some of these scum-muffins can’t recognize the obvious, that the Bat is poker’s gift to the world and the Bat’s gift is poker. Wrap your heads around that one but understand this if you have a Texas Holdem game you don’t want the Bat sitting at it.
Enough of the enough, let’s get to the mailbag:
Gamey in Vicksburg writes: I understand some of you GCPers have dropped by our local casino. Do the rest of the folks on that site play as bad as it sounds like you do. I love reading your blog to laugh at what a self-centered, self-absorbed, self-delusional idiot that you are. Do you have any clue how to play poker? My favorite player is John Juanda and I prefer the term flapjacks to pancakes, you?
Gamey, the Bat thanks you for reading. The Bat has no idea what you are talking about, but excels at poker and if forced to chose between the two would eat both pancakes and flapjacks.
Orney in Orlean Parish: Dear Poker Bat, I think the Budweiser Real Men of Genuis should do a song about fat guys from upstate that think they can play poker but really are just dead money, fish at the table, donkeys off it, and talk about themselves in third person. My favorite player is Fred Berger.
Hey Orney, the Bat agrees with you. The Bat plays upstate and sees a lot fat guys that think they know what they are doing but are just donators you know. If you read the Bat’s blog you should know the Bat doesn’t like terms like fish or donkeys but the Bat will give you a pass because you make a good point. Only murkey area is the Bat doesn’t know any players that talk in third person.
Eager in Iberville writes: Hey Bat, you sloth paced, owl faced, feeble-minded ingrate, stop polluting the internet. Your blog is like an oilspill on humanity, and like BP all your ineptitude has done has made things worse rather than better. A player reading your blog for strategy has a better chance to squeeze a can of Crisco in their ears, something you probably tried when your mouth was otherwise occupied squeezing two cans of lard in it, than they do at learning anything slightly useful as it comes to poker. Do you even know how many cards are in poker deck? Just do us all a favor and stop writing. Sometimes you watch a movie because it’s so good, sometimes you can’t stop watching because it’s so bad you start to enjoy it, reading your blog is like neither, it’s like watching a car crash in morbid curiousity and then being repelled by the death and destruction it causes. My favorite player is Walter Chambers.
Dear Eager: I wish you a freak accident lightening stike that melts your IPod headphones into your earholes, permenantly charges your iPod to last forever, and to be stuck on any song by Shakira until you die a slow, painful and embarrassing death maybe slowly getting eaten by escalator. I wish you a lifetime of early poker success only to be eliminated on every bubble you make it to, and only for you to get stacked on every big pot you play in when you were thinking about picking up in cash games. And thanks for reading!
Monty in Hockessin, Delaware writes: Poker Bat! Keep up the good work, you are my idol. My favorite poker player is Jennacide.
Thanks Monty, that made my day. Haters are going to hate, but as long as some readers like you are out there it makes it all worthwhile.
Monty in Hockessin, Delaware writes: Actually you suck! My favorite player is still Jennacide. That’s a blue hen!
Til next time.