Poker Bat on Deck to Bat at WSOP Riches

The Poker Bat took a vacation.  Wasn’t at the Poker Hospital or the real hospital the Bat was just on leave from blogging.  The Bat can blog in his sleep or so the Bat thinks but every time he lays down to sleep he never blogs.  The Bat knows so many of you loyal, avid, aimless, lecherous, and deceitful readers get amped up for a Bat post so it must have been disappointing to go through the last two weeks without a taste of the Bat to tide you by.  The Bat has been playing Texas Hold em poker online, which should come to no surprise to you, the Bat’s faithful readership, but for the rest of you, the unfaithful, the haters, but those that still read and still badger the Bat with insults, here’s the surprise… the Bat’s been killing it.

Yeah, cry the Bat a river. You think he’s a donk yet all he does is win. The Bat is a one man poker school and you’d be wise to sign up and take lessons. First off, the Bat has been playing some cash games with some big dummies online. They all race to sit down at the Bat’s table and talk about VPIP-PITY split, career EV, and abbreviates the Bat don’t care to read or care about.

All the Bat knows is he’s dropping them as the Bat is on a heater like Jaime Gold at the World Series. You got pocket kings MrSwed1sh the Bat’s got a set of 10s. Eat it Scandi. The Bat’s been amassing cash and gearing up for the two World Series of Poker events that are going to be taking place on the coast. The IP has an event the Bat is going to crash and win, so too Harrahs of New Orleans. Don’t know how many tournaments the Bat will play or if the Bat will just nurse the teet of the cash games, but the Bat will be there.

By the way, question for the IP? Why not move the cash tables into the tournament area and create one huge poker clusterdump during the Circuit Satellite event. Rather than players walking up and down a flight of escalators (even when the Bat’s riding one of those things, the tug of gravity on the Bat’s muffin top makes it feel like work) and trotting half a building to go back and forth put all that in one place. Say a player busts out of a tournament and goes on insta-tilt here’s a cash game for him to join. No need for him to walk for five minutes and talk himself out of it, or to cool off his tilt.

Bat likes players hot and freshly busted. Try to win that entry back on one hand you big dummy. The Bat’s got something for you.

The Harrahs event is part of that big tournament circuit where points are tabulated and it acts a bit like the Nike Tour and then they give away a bracelet for it. Yawn. The Bat’s only interested in one thing, busting players, busting tables, and trying not to bust ass while doing it. Yes, the Bat’s known to have a bit of a flatuation problem, but a little gas ain’t harmful to no one but the guy at the table behind him. You are going to know the Bat tooted because the Bat will be standing up pointing at some other guy and talking about the dead racoon he’s storing in his large intestine. Never admit a fart, that’s one of the Bat’s rules to live by.

Oh yeah, congrats to the guy that co-owns the site, Wild Bill, for chopping that soft as molasses Harrahs weekly tournament he calls the Donkley. It must be a stable of donkeys for that nit to win.  Note to Wild Bill and Gene D:  move the Bat up the Gulf Coast Poker. Net blog list.


The Bat Sizes Up the Poker Hall of Fame part two

The Bat was talking about Crandell Addington and why fish and rogues should also be in the Hall of Fame…

Addington also holds the record for most Texas Hold’em poker Main Event final tables with seven. But to give you an idea of how the size of the fields have changed he only cashed four times. Since Doyle Brunson has called Addington a No Limit Texas Hold’Em legend one has to wonder if he meets the Bat’s second criteria for induction. Maybe Doyle was just boosting his ego so he’d sit with him and stack off some of his self-made money.

Unfortunately for the Bat, in truth, Addington’s exploits may be undervalued he was from the old school poker school of thought. He was at his apex beating the cash games when the World Series was just a clever ploy to bring action players to town. He played solely professional poker from the early sixties to the eighties and funded his businesses with his winnings. Not the reverse. Would be nice if he were a donator but he wasn’t. Hmmm… looking deeper the Bat is hard pressed to find another fish in the Hall.

Well, besides fish, the the Hall of Fames also needs rogues. The guys that became legends like Sam Grizzle and Eskimo Clark. Guys who have tasted the get rich quick attributes of poker and the get broke quicker realities of the game. They are legends for different reasons and they need to be celebrated to. They are sometimes donators and sometimes winners but their personal stories tell Nick the Greek like vissitudes that only a professional gambler can understand and relate to. The fact they’ve been grinding along for long is proof to their staying power and the power of the game. The colorful characters of poker should be recognized because that is a bit of what the game is about.

Unlike trying to find a fish in the Hall of Fame, there are plenty of rogues to chose from. Most have resumes that show not only were they rogues but they were also great players. Let’s open the doors to those that weren’t exclusively winners. One that fits that catergory is Julius Oral “Little Man” Popwell. The Hall of Famer has zero bracelets and zero live tournament cashes but the 5’6, over 300 pound player (no wonder the Bat likes him), crushed billiards games and five card stud games.

He might have been a little bit shorter than the guy pictured but he was no less a hefty man stud.  He regularly played as an equal to Johnny Moss.  After operating lottories and card games from his house in Birmingham, AL he was incarcerated.

These days poker likes to sweep these rogues under the carpet. But poker would be no where without them. In fact, if not for the players that tested fate by opening up their homes to games that would attract the road warriors from the depression to the Casino era the gambler might never have been a career. Take many professional poker players and there is a backstory worth telling. Some of their pasts is lived in shadows and shadiness but part of the allure of poker is playing these types of people at their own game and beating them.

Right now, there is a guy who can’t seem to win for losing. Just a couple of years ago he was one of the best No Limit tournament players in the world. Hansen isn’t much of a rogue though he is a bit of a scamp at least to the ladies.   It appears Gus Hansen is down 10 million in online action on one site. He might make the Hall of Fame as a winner but if he doesn’t make it the Bat will certainly push for him in ten or twenty years to make it to the Hall of Fame because of what he gave back to the game as a loser. Isn’t that what Hall of Famers are supposed to do? Give back to the game?

Poker Bat Sizes Up the Poker Hall of Fame Part I

The Poker Hall of Fame just released their latest and greatest group of nominees, but the Poker Bat goes beyond the press releases the normal media regurgitates for you like it’s news. Everybody’s playing Texas Hold’em poker but that Bat is playing every game. You know what the Bat means? Let’s take a look at the Poker Hall of Fame.

One of the guys in there is Roger Moore. James Bond you say? Well, unless that Roger Moore was the son of sharecroppers, which is unlikely give his British accent and haughty attitude, it’s a different Roger Moore. That Roger Moore, may have been a Jackie Robinson type for poker, but considering he only won one braclet in 1994 and he was elected in 1997, professional poker’s dirty little secret may be that it wasn’t desegregated until 30 years after many other sports. Considering the depth and quality of African American players now, if Moore was honored for being a historic first (and the Bat doesn’t know if he was because 1994 seems head-scratchingly late) it seems short-sighted afterall winners in that day in age basically bested a field the size of a glorified sng.

His career totals of 337k pale in comparison to the life-time earnings of plenty of African American players to come after him. Moore also finished 6th in the 1986 Main Event, but the Golf Course owner (he owns two), really doesn’t leap off the page as a hall of fame poker player. Though, the Bat’s idea of a poker player who should be hall of fame worthy may be a little different than mosts. There should be three types of inductees to the Hall of Fame. The biggest winners, the bigggest losers and the biggest rogues. For in truth the game would be no where without all three of those types.

Guy Laberte is a lifetime donator to high stakes games everywhere because he basically prints money as the owner of the Cirque Du Soleil. Factoring in the trickle down effect this guy has had a far bigger impact on poker than say all but a few in the Hall of Fame. In fact, the rich guys that piss away their money keep the game going. One day there should be a spot for him at the Hall of Fame. In fact, Phil Ivey and Tom Dwan should pay for it, if the WSOP doesn’t.

There would be no Doyle Brunson unless there were a sucker born everyday and a least a sucker at every table. Those “suckers” grew the game and funded the game. In fact, before TV money, online poker money, and the variety of sponsorships and poker businesses out there now, it was the donators that enabled the game to thrive. It’s hard to find a donator in the Hall of Fame right now.

At first blush, your eyes are drawn to the credentials of Crandell Addington who was inducted in 2005. He has zero braclets and even less career earnings than the Georgian James Bond. If he wasn’t winning, and he was playing during the touranment era maybe he was losings. Turns out, Addington at least helped create the concept of the World Series of Poker. Okay, that’s worth a look. The fact, he was know as “Dandy” for being a sharp dresser makes you question if he was a rich donator?

Turns out Addington was a self-made millionaire but in the World Series he could never close the deal. He finished second in the main event twice (losing to Johnny Moss in 1974 and Bobby Baldwin in 1978).

The Bat will wrap this up in his next post.. You know you are on pins and needles…

The Poker Bat takes a Chop at Biloxi

The Bat through a friend of a friend of a friend got a hold of a letter, actually an email (the Bat hasn’t gotten a letter since they asked him to register for Vietnam) from a player who was at the Gulf Coast Poker Championship and was mad as hell about the abuse he suffered there during a Texas Holdem poker tournament.  Before the Bat breaks down the anatomy of a chop, proper tournament structure, and proper floor-man behavior the Bat wants to wax philosophic about the Vietnam letter. 

It’s relevant…  just wait for your trusted friend the Bat to get to it.  Talk about a bad beat seeing as the letter arrived after the war had ended a decade or so earlier, and at that point and time the only place Americans were fighting overtly was Grenada, the Bat ain’t much a fan of the U.S. Postal Service.  Sure they deliver in rain, snow, sleet, or hellfire except when they don’t.

Sometimes a letter will get lost for damn near a decade.  Sometimes that can mess up your life.  So at that point the Bat went off the grid.  No more mailbox for the Bat.  Course, the Bat didn’t stray too far from the grid keeping his credit card, phone line, and fax line but you get the point.  Anyway, the men in uniform of the postal service mean well, and we’ll forgive them for calling their top dog a general after all the salvation army gets away with it, but when things go awry there they really go haywire.

Same can be said for running a poker tournament.  The floormen are kind of like the guys running a post office.  Some days they come into work and a guy flat out goes postal and that efficient little system is bent on its ear and conflict runs amuck.  Sometimes the system just breaks down, like the mail in Louisiana post Katrina.  The Bat would mail something and it’d get there but it’d take a month.  Real fun when paying bills. 

The Bat thinks that if you are organizing a poker tournament and you are disregarding players complaining about your structures that’s one thing if the players still come.  And for the most part they do because there is no other game in town (won’t mention Oklahoma where the Bat might have been), but when they stop coming you got a problem.  Bat hears the numbers were down a bit for that big poker tournament over there even worse the Bat hears the structures were so bad  that players were mostly chopping the events even before they got to the final table.  WTF?

Guess what it’s crisis mode… a civil servant just walked into the Post Office locked and loaded.  Maybe they wanted every tournament to wrap up after one day but the Bat suspects not.  The Bat also knows with a juice taken from the Buy-in, yeah read the fine print, it’s about three per cent, a registration fee over 10%, and then a dealer toke, the casino is bleeding the players dry.  It’s lunacy.

Read on a forum where the structure last go around was defended by pointing to the people in the lines for the early tournaments.  That defense ain’t going to last long.  The mail ain’t getting to where it’s supposed to be delivered.  Not only were players petitioning for chops, but individual players that actually wanted to play for first and refused the chops were villainized with no support from the tournament staff.  None.  The tournament staff created the structure which inspires chops and the allowed players that didn’t want to chop to get hotboxed… what to wrap things up?  Something’s fishy.

The Poker Bat Ain’t No Poker Brat But Still Whines (more)

Next in the batch of ten things that piss off the Bat at a Texas Hold’em poker table. Suppose the Poker Bat could have numbered this thing a multi-parter but the Bat ain’t much for counting so he’ll just continue to bitch about the things and people he sees at a poker table that annoy the tiddly winks out of him. If you have kept count let the Bat know where he’s at and he’ll up date it to reflect the order. As for now, if the Bat goes past 10 or doesn’t get there the Bat doesn’t care and nor should you. This latest in the list of things that tick off the Bat is those fake emoters and befrienders that squirrel up to the person beside them at poker table, only to immediately talk bunk after they’ve been eliminated. You know who you are.

The Bat sees many of you playing a string of Online Sit and go poker tournaments at your favorite poker site or in the lobby area of your favorite casino. Many of you are also those secretive talkers whose only conversations are clandestine hand whispers to your neighbors and once they get eliminated you strike up a new bogus friendship to berate the rest of the table. Don’t rub elbows with the Bat literally or figurative. It’s bad enough the Bat has to buy two seats when he flies on an airplane like Kevin Smith, and even worse the Bat has to sidle up to a poker table and immediately have less room to operate than Manute Bol in a hatchback, but it’s the absolute worst when the Bat sees his tablemates not give an inch. Least let the Bat get a meaty paw in there… come on fellas. Don’t be that guy that sees the Bat has nowhere to put his excess tricep flesh and wont slide your elbow over at all. But hey, end up the day you want to rub elbow to sweaty elbow so be it.

The Bat gives no quarter, but don’t get all fake friendly to the Bat like we could be boys outside of the poker room. When you are running to the parking lot like it’s 4:20 every break in between levels the Bat is enjoying a brew. The Bat gave up the whacky-tobacky back when people used to say whacky-tobacky and just because the Bat looks like the Blues Traveler singer when he was fat (or is he fat again he yo-yos like Oprah) doesn’t mean the Bat is going to toke the peace pipe.

Toke all you want though. The Bat is all for personal freedom, but the Bat isn’t for poker buddies that try to chat him up. The Bat doesn’t care about how you feel about the game on television, nor does the Bat want to cheer you on in the chatbox. The Bat ain’t going to be your real friend or your fake friend, and don’t mistake the Bat’s politeness for a general warmth toward you. It’s incidental because the Bat is just a magnetic personality. People perceive a Teddy Bear even though a grizzly lurks underneath, the Bat is solely playing poker to take your money over the long haul. Good thing to remember because most of your other poker “friends” are also after your money.

Other polite people, you know what, you the Bat likes, and one day after enough exchanges of genuine niceties the Bat might want to be ya’lls friend but you fake guys that butter up the people that will be raising your blinds or those that have position on you, just say your hot air away from the Bat. Bat’s got enough friends and got plenty of hot air, so much so, the Bat’s willing to share it in return. You gas too much with your upper hole the Bat will gas too much with his lower one. You catching the Bat’s drift? If you don’t, when you are seated next to the Bat you will.

The Poker Bat Ain’t No Poker Brat But Still Loves to Whine…

The Bat hates many things in life.  MANY THINGS!  This probably comes from a childhood of being the first player out in every dodgeball game, a career .001 batting avegae in beer league softball, and once getting knocked out in a pillow fight with a five year old girl.  The Bat still contends that girl loaded her pillow with a years worth of Ivory soap bars.  Anyway, the Bat’s amassed almost as much anger as he has pant sizes in his every expanding quest to one day get picked up by a crane, even if it’s just to remove the Bat from his house.  The Bat hates even more things in poker games.

Okay, bashing the Bat isn’t fun for anybody especially when the Bat’s anger can be better directed at the table whisperers at every Texas Holdem table in existence.   You know who you are, you guys that cup your hand and spray gentle nothings into the guy or gal that has the misfortune of sitting next to you.  Then you rise up and sneer when the comment is done and shake your head with a mixture of sympathy and loathing or outright derision to your targets across the table.  There is a messageboard thread that has says Annie Duke is your queen leader in this type of behavior.  The Bat has never seen this first hand from the slow-rolled Apprentice runner-up but the Bat doesn’t doubt it could be true. 

You are a destestable lot.  The Bat, being naturally paranoid as a result of an upbringing devoid of ice cream except when scoops were stuffed down the back of his pants or more accurately his wedgies by bored lunch-ladies, has to think you are whispering about him.  The Bat doesn’t like you clowns, sitting in your little poker ivory towers dismissing the masses before you.  Even worse when you try to speak across the table and your inability to raise the modulation of your voice above a low mumble is more than grating.  All the Bat or anybody else can hear at the other end of the table is  “Zippety… pot odds… long weekend with wife’s sister… three bet… donk move… sippety… spiffety… spooh” 

 While low-talkers like loud talkers, close talkers, nonstop talkers, fake smile talkers (stop smiling already you can’t be that happy), are a social problem that should be rooted out of poker like people that lie and steal from their backers you are a step beyond. Low talkers are a well documented problem but you go further with your Top Secret comments made to either side.  As such you whispering, mumbling, (…I shall call you) secretive takers that can’t let out an audible syllable in a public place really goose the Bat’s tailfeathers not only for only being limited to speaking in your neigbors ears but for all the ills a low talker confers to a social situation. 

So secretive talkers if you are going to insult somebody or at least appear too, have some gumption and say it loud enough for everybody else to hear.  Don’t be a yellow-livered coward.   Why the hostility?  The Bat recently played in a game and every time a player acted he’d turn to his neighbor and coo whatever it was he had to say and they’d survey the table with beady condescing eyes.  Finally, the Bat had enough of that stubby fingered ear reach-around that was going on non-stop and demanded the dealer make all the player speak english.

The dealer looked at the Bat in confusion.  “English?”  he asked.  “Yessir!” the Bat responded.  “Everybody is…” he almost mocked the Bat.  “How do you know?  We can’t hear what those two lovebirds are saying to one another how do we know they are speaking English?” The dealer at the Bat’s urgings then started correcting the whisperers. And from this point on, anytime the Bat is in the presence of a secretive taker you’ll hear the Bat say “ENGLISH please!” The Bat recommends you do too.

The Bat Rails about Rail Birds…

You know where you will never find the Bat? You won’t find in your chatbox after a Texas Holdem online tournament getting all gooey about a play the Bat’s friend made against you. You also want see the Bat leaning against a literal rail when the World Series of Poker comes to town. There is no such thing as a Rail-Bat and there never will be. There’s rail birds, jail birds, and jail bait and of the three the Bat don’t want no part of two, and he only wants some of third if no one is watching. Okay, the Bat don’t really want jail bait either, that was a joke, next thing you know that creepy guy that stalks creepy guys on NBC will be showing up at the Bat’s door.

The Bat hates the No Limit Texas Hold’em online railbirds the most. The live ones the Bat can tolerate. Usually, they are backing some dude that should have no chance to cash and got lucky, so god bless ya. You guys online are mostly just looking for a handout when your friend strikes it rich. God don’t bless ya so much. You know what Rail Birds figure out a way to win for yourself and stop polluting the chat boxes with you ramblings.

The Bat once was on his way to a nice online score and suddenly riding shot-gun in the side car were all these people the Bat had eliminated. The Bat does take kind to folks who butter-up looking for something in return. You kiss the Bat’s ass the only thing you get in return is coming from where you’re kissing. You beggers and fake fans are worse than the real fake beggars sitting on the corner hoping to get enough cash to make a drug score. Shame, because with times the way there are, there are going to be some good people in the need of help, and there will be a lot of bad people ruining the name of somebody in need of an honest hand out.

The Bat doesn’t want to get on a serious tip, the Bat wouldn’t be writing blogs if were to get on a serious tip, this is supposed to be fun, and berating the lowlifes and scallywags of the poker world is fun. So you railbirding beggars the Bat is calling you out.

Nobody is going to give a crumb to a gambler/card player in need of a crumb. What poker player is going to take out the checkbook and back a guy that needs backing for a $5 sit ‘n go or a $5 satellite unless something terrible happened. The Bat is all for giving people chances, second chances, and even third chances but don’t come begging asking for a stake for some low buy-in event and expect the Bat to want to take you on as a horse.

You can’t rub two nickels together to buy into a satellite the Bat ain’t rubbing two nickels together for you. That simple. If you were any good you would already be out of the hole by now. So next time the Bat’s chatbox blows up expect the Bat to tell you dweebs with out any concept of bankroll management to find some pride, stop begging, and get a real job.

The Bat’s got an ego on him, no doubt. The Bat always has had one, but the Bat remembers working hard to put together buy-ins for tournaments, going poker broke, and going real life broke and bouncing back. The Bat relied not on the charity of strangers but on the faith of friends who have seen the Bat’s success in poker before. Everybody has a downturn but don’t let yours turn you into a begging railtard.