Fresh from a World Series of World Class ass stompings the Bat is going to answer some reader mail… Don’t get you pasties in a tizzy, this is a legitimate request for a hand analysis…
Granted anything in a (xxx) are the Bat’s words not this reader…
“OK, so here is the hand I mentioned on your voice mail the other day (when I begged you to give me a morsel of that Bat knowledge because you, the Bat, are a poker legend, part myth, part reality, 100% genuis).
There’s a raise to 8 or 10 and a few callers. I’m in the SB and look down at KK. I raise to 36 and 2 people call. Flop comes 5,5,10 with 2 diamonds. I lead out for $75. First guy folds. Next guy, who is the only guy at the table who has me outchipped (I began the hand with about 600, he had about 900) makes a raise to $275 (so you got 500 left and he’s put half of that in. He just pulled up to your driveway with some Bisquick, some Nutria, and a shotgun. Time my friend to make some dumplings).
Backstory on the table and this guy. He was big stack when my table broke and I was moved to this table with 400, I took a nice pot from him when I flopped top set and turned a boat and let him lead three streets and then popped him on the river (Why do the pulling when the donkey does the pushing? Back in the old days we used to call donkeys producers, sharks were wolves, and suckers were lambs. You’d shear a lamb but never skin him. These days its donkeys and fish. Tomorrow they’ll be Lions and Gazelles. They may run fast but they are still just dinner to the Bat, and you always have to pay the Lion). He was yapping at me then that he had the best hand and I came back at him and we hadn’t played a hand since (maybe a half hour or so).
So with this bet, I think he has a hand (or he’s steaming and stealing like the sharps used to do on the riverboats) and I’m trying to figure out if he’s trying to get back at me, or as I suspect, he has hit the flop big and is banking on me calling/shoving (sorry dear reader he’s banking on you folding, even through the email the Bat can smell the larceny. It’s a gift the Bat has like a drug sniffing dog at an airport the Bat can smell 1 part B.S. per 1,000,000) . I can’t give him credit for AA since he would have reraised the $8 and certainly would have reraised the $36 (with a caller) preflop. So I tank and ask him if he has A10. After a bit he asks for a clock and says that I’m just going to fold (in my opinion trying to make me call) but the dealer won’t give it to him since he’s in the hand. The floor comes over and gives the clock to him (the Bat has a simple rule for people calling the clock… they get clocked for reals).
So I fold the KK, don’t show and he mucks facedown, which I take to be a real hand, I think there’s nothing he would have liked better than to show me a bluff or some kind of small hand (good point, but he likely had JJ). If I call the flop, I have to call the turn, which is almost certain to be an all in (yes, once you’ve called the flop you’ve made the correct decision he’s on garbage again, so let him shove the run and snap him like crisp bacon).
1. The Bat has a lot of thoughts. So many thoughts in fact, the ones he discards could fill a library of knowledge and advance mankind a 100 years. Course the Bat doesn’t burden himself with man’s plight, solving the debt ceiling, the energy crisis, and answering the age-old question is Oprah really gay, because the Bat has better things to do… like getting all the answers on the Family Feud correct to a percentage point, and figuring out the best way to stores sock in a suitcase (the answer is line the perimeter, on their side, with them unfolded… you’re welcome). As for thoughts on your question beyond the answers in green here they come brace yourself:
2. Always go broke with KK on a paired board that is two to a flush. Who cares if your very action announced that you have an overpair and some sucker is trying to stack you. You show those gentlemen you aren’t folding Gold, when some rube has put you on AK and you collect the chips. Plus he thinks you got none of it and all he has is a lousy flush draw.
3. Some dude calls clock on you, retaliate, next time action is on him, call
clock. Preflop, anytime literally anytime he pauses, and don’t say “Clock?” and look to the dealer for permission, be the alpha male and say “Clock!” assertively as though it’s the only possible statement. Always, act stunned, surprised, and confused when he gets upset. When he keeps arguing and he will turn to the dealer and shrug saying “This is why I called clock.”
He’ll really get incensed and say he’s only taking this long because you called clock, don’t let the perfect logic get in the way of needling this jackhole, point to watch and say “fold, already, this is ridiculous, I may have to call the floor.” Surely, this will get the guy to stew longer, saying something like “Please call the floor. I will call the floor.”
Turn and wink at the rest of the table whether they are on your side or most likely not. For no reason, at all other than the fact, winking can be fun. When the floor gets there, simply say, “It’s been five minutes for this guy to act. He probably doesn’t even have a hand. How can he make a decision this long.”
Ignore all questions about the insta-clock and keep insisting on focusing on the real time that has since transpired. Then when cornered make the absolutely true statement “I called clock because I anticipated exactly this would happen. This has taken forever can he please act.”
4. Tell him he hoodwinked you but to be careful because you murdered your grandmother for less.