Poker Bat-tering Ram in Chicag-o

First off the Bat hates it when people put their thoughts into two posts with to be continued and all that nonsense.  Well, the Bat’s going to do that because this one runs long.  Secondly, thanks to the shout out from the Texas Hold’em Poker Monkey, the Bat’s blog got double the hits it normally does because of the mention (hey, would it kill a guy to put a link to it?).    The Bat might introduce himself and come out of anonymity any day now.  But back to the poker.

Okay actually it’s Hammond where the Bat was taking fools to poker school.  You thought Walter Payton barreling over defenseless defensive lineman was impressive on Soldier Field you should see what the Poker Bat is doing to the mustachio-ed Chicago-ens on the cash tables.  The Bat, a surly argumentative crumble bum from upper Louisiana, is dealing out hits the NFL is suspending people for, and not bothering to take names.  All the folks from Chicago look the same and talk the same anyway, but now they are getting flattened like pancakes by the Bat. 

Take Ditka, clone him, fatten him up a bit, try to squeeze him on a poker table and you are in one of two places.  An illegal game in Pittsburgh, the mustache capital of the United States, or Chicago.  Smell a faint meat-packing odor and you are definitely in Chicago.  And if you can smell that, you know what the Bat is cooking… fat middle-Americans trying to fit their bellys in to a pair of Wranglers that even Brett Farve wouldn’t text with a dirty picture.  

Alright, now that the Bat has bashed a city, let’s be honest, there are some great people in Chicago, several of them actually exersize and stereotypes aren’t all true.  Just mostly true.  But, that’s alright, these are the Bat’s people.  Break out Da Polish Sausage because the Bat can go fork for fork or shovel for shovel with these Supafans in eating red meat and deep dish pizza.  You think the Bat doesn’t shop at a Big and Tall and Really Big store for nothing?  The reason the Incredible Hulk just wears purple sweatpants is because that’s the only thing that will fit him, same is true for the Bat.  The Bat’s the guy taking up two seats on the airplane and making the pilot push the gas a little harder to get off the ground.  So Chicago is like coming home to a family reunion for the Bat. These are the Bat’s people.

Despite being heckled by jeckylls during the NFC Championship after the Saints lost with Katrina being in the mix of insults (lowest of the low), the Bat likes most of Chicago.  Most of it.  Anyway, let’s stick to the poker.  The Bat is crushing the games.  At a recent 2-5 game the Bat sat down with a pocket full of hundos and left with double his wad.

Here’s what these dumbasses did in one hand:

Bat’s got a set of 7s.  The board is a coalition of gay people with nary a straight in sight (rainbow-no straight cards for those of you with reading comprehension issues).  The top card is a Queen to really set the Studio 54 scene.  q7236 for those of you that want to play along.  Bat opens on the river with a pot sized bet.

Ditka clone one pushes out a min-raise.  Appetizing.  Ditka clone two shoves all in for little more than the min-raise.  Spicey.  William the Refridgerator Perry gives the table a “Whatchayoutalking about Willis” look and folds. 

-To be continued, you must read next week if you want to hear how this hand ends.

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