Next in the batch of ten things that piss off the Bat at a Texas Hold’em poker table. Suppose the Poker Bat could have numbered this thing a multi-parter but the Bat ain’t much for counting so he’ll just continue to bitch about the things and people he sees at a poker table that annoy the tiddly winks out of him. If you have kept count let the Bat know where he’s at and he’ll up date it to reflect the order. As for now, if the Bat goes past 10 or doesn’t get there the Bat doesn’t care and nor should you. This latest in the list of things that tick off the Bat is those fake emoters and befrienders that squirrel up to the person beside them at poker table, only to immediately talk bunk after they’ve been eliminated. You know who you are.
The Bat sees many of you playing a string of Online Sit and go poker tournaments at your favorite poker site or in the lobby area of your favorite casino. Many of you are also those secretive talkers whose only conversations are clandestine hand whispers to your neighbors and once they get eliminated you strike up a new bogus friendship to berate the rest of the table. Don’t rub elbows with the Bat literally or figurative. It’s bad enough the Bat has to buy two seats when he flies on an airplane like Kevin Smith, and even worse the Bat has to sidle up to a poker table and immediately have less room to operate than Manute Bol in a hatchback, but it’s the absolute worst when the Bat sees his tablemates not give an inch. Least let the Bat get a meaty paw in there… come on fellas. Don’t be that guy that sees the Bat has nowhere to put his excess tricep flesh and wont slide your elbow over at all. But hey, end up the day you want to rub elbow to sweaty elbow so be it.
The Bat gives no quarter, but don’t get all fake friendly to the Bat like we could be boys outside of the poker room. When you are running to the parking lot like it’s 4:20 every break in between levels the Bat is enjoying a brew. The Bat gave up the whacky-tobacky back when people used to say whacky-tobacky and just because the Bat looks like the Blues Traveler singer when he was fat (or is he fat again he yo-yos like Oprah) doesn’t mean the Bat is going to toke the peace pipe.
Toke all you want though. The Bat is all for personal freedom, but the Bat isn’t for poker buddies that try to chat him up. The Bat doesn’t care about how you feel about the game on television, nor does the Bat want to cheer you on in the chatbox. The Bat ain’t going to be your real friend or your fake friend, and don’t mistake the Bat’s politeness for a general warmth toward you. It’s incidental because the Bat is just a magnetic personality. People perceive a Teddy Bear even though a grizzly lurks underneath, the Bat is solely playing poker to take your money over the long haul. Good thing to remember because most of your other poker “friends” are also after your money.
Other polite people, you know what, you the Bat likes, and one day after enough exchanges of genuine niceties the Bat might want to be ya’lls friend but you fake guys that butter up the people that will be raising your blinds or those that have position on you, just say your hot air away from the Bat. Bat’s got enough friends and got plenty of hot air, so much so, the Bat’s willing to share it in return. You gas too much with your upper hole the Bat will gas too much with his lower one. You catching the Bat’s drift? If you don’t, when you are seated next to the Bat you will.