The Bat’s World Series of Poker Goals

The Bat is excited about this years world series of poker.  He’s been vegging out in preparation for going to the World Series, crushing the games at and focusing on doing three things.  1.  Win a bracelet, if not two, if not three.  2.  Break Phil Laak’s record for staying awake.  3.  Own the cash games at the Rio and bonus number 4.  Shed some lbs.

The Bat will focus on number 1 first.  Winning a bracelet at the World Series which will be easy enough for the Bat.  If by the time the Main Event has come and gone the Bat hasn’t won a bracelet the Bat will challenge ever single poker hag in Las Vegas to a heads up match.  The lady merely has to put her bracelet  up against the Bat’s money clip.  This won’t be some heads up Sit’n go the Bat is treating it like the Main Event itself. The gold plated money clip only.  The cash in between, the Bat’s giant bankroll, will not be on the table.  Not that the Bat is afraid to play for rolls but the Bat’s coming back a bracelet winner come hell or high water.

Obviously, the best way to get a bracelet will be to mow down a giant field of players.  What will be even sweeter about the win will be the fact the bracelet will cost Harrahs more than any other bracelet?  Why’s that?  The Bat’s wrists, like most aspects of his body are thick, seen Russ Hamilton is his prime?  Think thicker, much thicker and less villainous, much less villainous.  So Harrahs will be biting the bullet and adding some links to the jewelry just to get it on the Bat’s mighty paw.

Onto number 2.  The Bat will break Phil Laak’s record for staying awake.  The fact, Laak chose to entertain himself by playing poker is in truth a side effect at best.  Stimulating the mind with a game like poker probably makes it easier to stay awake.  Doing a Google search on Phil Laak’s notorious past, look at the Asian rumors, probably makes one assume there are several other things going on that made I easier for Laak to stay awake.  The Bat doesn’t need the second but will be playing poker.

The Bat has of course stayed awake for longer than 150 hours straight playing poker.  The Bat didn’t take any namby pamby shower breaks either.  There was easy money to be won on the poker table and the funk of the Bat’s body only aided the Bat crush the game.  It’s hard to not be a winner when on a poker bender like that.  The Bat hears some kids in Austria are going to attempt the record together.  The Bat calls Bull’s Bollocks on that.   No friends soft playing each other.  The record has to be done in a game were people are trying to felt you.  The Bat will not publicize the casino he’s destroying when he’s setting the record but he does welcome anybody wanting to part him with his money.

Number 3 is self obvious.  The Bat will own the cash games at the Rio like the Bat does every world series.  Find the fat guy with all the chips and you’ve likely found the Bat.  Hope the Bat didn’t give away his location from objective number two.  If you think he didn’t, you need to learn how to read.

Number 4, the Poker Bat’s bonus objective:  shed some weight.   The Bat is going to shed and shred some weight this year?  How by exercising his brain.  The Bat plans to mentally will his pounds away as he’s sitting destroying poker games all over Las Vegas.  The idea is simply the Bat will visualize his butt fitting in one airplane seat, not having to buy the extra ticket for his ride home, and then imagine the fat melting like wax off his body.  The Bat just read the secret:  it has to work.

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