PokerBat ain’t so nuts about the nuts part two

Yevgeniy Timoshenko and Sorel Mizzi finish out the top 10. What is this dead Ukranian presidents? The Bat wants them off the list, commies need not apply. Sure they may play poker online but just because they get dial up in East Bratislavia don’t mean they make the Bat’s top 10.

The Bat’s replacements? Scotty Nguyen just Nguyen Baby. Kathy Liebert and Vanessa Selbst but only if the Bat can be in between. If anybody has seen the Bat, you’ll realize the Bat being in between is the disgusting part of the visual, yeah it’s that bad. Liebert and Selbst both don’t get enough credit. Sucks being a woman that doesn’t have movie star looks. Give a man their game and they’d be famous.

Who else… Oliver Hudson. Who the heck is Oliver Hudson, the semi-famous brother of Kate Hudson who ran full house into full house in the first hand of the World Series against Sam Farha and had the good sense to never be seen again. That’s poker genuis. A hand like that plays out you need to recognize you are going to be a lifetime cooler and get out of the business. Oliver Hudson is a poker hero. He keeps playing and next stop is a graph that is the exact opposite of a superuser and Hudson had the dough to lose. This guy got up at just the right time. He had too many failed pilots and mediocre sitcoms to do anyway.

What’s that bring us to? Bumping up Mortensen and Alaei, add Hudson, the two hefty hotties, and every man Scotty Nguyen? Hmmm… that’s six. The Bat will allow Phil Ivey back on the list. See that’s how good the Ivey man is, even when the Bat sets out to denigrate the guy he still winds up sixth.

Three spots left… Joe Hachem from Australia of course. The man from down under sports a soul patch. Hmmm… That sentence could be on a g rated blog or an x rated blog. The Bat will say no more about that. Anyway, Hachem is a short-fused sawed off with great patience and one of the few poker players not named Phil Hellmuth to start a poker catch phrase. Who wasn’t saying “Pass the Sugar!” after watching that World Series. Well, the Bat wasn’t because the Bat isn’t a follower, in fact, the Bat only started saying it after all you fellas wore it out, and the Bat was the first to be ironic with it. Told you the Bat was with it for an old man.

Okay after Salty Joe, who’s next up, Antoine Saout. This is not a top 10 for a Sit’n go tournaments so only real men need apply. This real man was also the forgotten man from the last Main Event final table. He pushed Ivey off of hands he got his money in good at every turn and the little French cybernerd had a poker face a robot would kill for. What’s that give us eight in the top ten.

Number Nine is the Bat’s clone Darvin Moon. That logger from Maryland is a lot like this blogger from Hairy-land. Yes, the Bat don’t know if Moon can compete with the Bat’s back hair and the Bat is well aware the Bat can’t compete with Moon’s millions, but other than that the Bat and the Moon are twins. So what if Moon overplays the AQ you could argue he just plays the hell out of it.

Number 10 the old guy at the end of the table that is tighter than Jon Goodman’s jeans. You know the one, it’s the same crusty curmudgeon that curses under his breath as stacks player after player that refuses to respect his raises. The guy that always needs two trays when he’s done who you wonder if he’s going to die before he gets to his car in the parking lot.

The Bat once got stacked off by a guy right before he went into a heart attack. You want to talk about steaming you ain’t never getting those chips back. Guy’s dead. It’s like the Oliver Hudson inclusion, this guy had the good sense to not walk away but to roll over and kick the bucket when he was up. For all those old men the Bat reserves this spot.

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