So the Bat went down to New Orleans, riding the Saints Euphoria and the Mardi Gras Madness to what was surely going to be a lucrative weekend. The tables in Harrahs were jammed packed with bad players of all varieties. Some of those fools need an explanation of the Texas Hold’Em Rules and the Bat isn’t joking when he says that. So juicy. Meanwhile everybody talking about the Saints and after 10 hours of it, it stops being fun and starts being redundant. The most used two words in the entire city were Brees and Drew. Every woman in town is looking at the guy like he looks like the Poker Bat.
Surely, Mr. Brees has never experienced anything like this. Wonder how Mrs. Brees feels about it? Drew is becomming a superstar and seems like he got some sort of PR coaching on how to craft the perfect soundbite. The women in this town are all gooey for the guy.
The Bat hears that in all the hoopla about the SuperBowl the city went and hired a new mayor, or did the mayor hire the city is that how it works in New Orleans? Guy has a very familiar name. Seems like if the Bat were to run for office he’d have to get a familiar name too. Wonder if Bat Nagin would have a chance.
You ever seen that Eddie Murphy movie “Distinguished Gentleman,” you know his bad movie. Oh, that’s right Eddie Murphy only made four good movies and they all came out before 1987. Well, in this one Murphy had the same name as the newly dead representative in Florida. Playing off the bluehairs tendency to vote the name they know, Murphy ran for office and everybody voted him in thinking the old guy hadn’t died. His slogan was the name “The Name You Know.” Seems like that would work in New Orleans, especially in Super Bowl week.
So as the table is discussing the new vibrancy of the city, the Bat is waiting for the dealer to give him a hand. The Bat thought to himself things would sure get more “vibrant” if the Bat stopped looking at unsuited unconnectors with numbers on them. Finally, the Bat got some money into the pot with 3 5 suited. Flop comes 33K. Tourists bets his king. Bat smooth calls.
BLAMO! 5 on the turn. Tourist bets his king, Bat raises, tourist ships it, Bat calls, Tourists turns over KQ triumphantly, Bat says EAT IT. River ball a king. Tourist says “I knew it!”
The Poker Bat isn’t one for pyschics at the Poker Table. They can go down to the quarter and rob the half-wits telling them all these empty positive affirmations…. “Wow, how did that Gypsy know the Bat is smart? The Bat is in a happy marriage (did the ring tip the vagabond off)? The Bat cares about his children? She’s so…. pyschic.” So when these gypsys sit down at the table and start ranting and raving about knowing what’s coming the Bat asks them to tell the Bat what the Bat is thinking. “Can’t get a read on that Mr. Cleo? Well, it was Shut-The-Fuchs-Up.”
The dealer didn’t take kindly to the Bat spouting the F bomb. The tourist was too drunk to care and took it a a joke. So after the Bat basically waved the floor off it was go time again. The Bat reloaded and in his mind he put a target on the Man Tits on the Psychic from Wisconsin in the two seat that just felted him. Once again the Bat got the guy to put all his chips in bad. JJ vs. AK on a AQ8 flop.
The Fat Boys long lost white cousin said ‘Well, I got a straight draw too.”
The Bat watched a 10 hit the turn.
The tourist laughed good-naturedly “I hope you get two pair.” Oh… that one never wears out.
The Bat rebought and said “John Edward what is your future?” The Man tried to apologize.
“Don’t worry one of us has a very bright future… but only as long as you promise to stay, can you do that?”
He did and the Bat proved he too was pyschic.