The Poker Bat Berates An Owner

So the Poker Bat was at this poker tournament where they had a silly rule.  In order to play poker tournaments at this venue you had to be seated.  The Bat doesn’t like to sit down.  When the Bat logs on to play online poker tournaments the Bat usually has one knee in the chair and one foot on the ground.  At most LIVE poker tournaments, if not all the live tournaments, if the Bat decides to he can do just that. 

Now, the image of Coach Bat with one knee on the chair and the other foot on the ground is a scary sight.  The Bat’s a big, big man, a Walrus if you will.  The Bat holds court like the king that he is.  Yes it’s intimidating but when people elect to play with the Bat they are going get a taste of the Bat, it may start with the Bat physically lording over the table but it will end with the Bat lording over the chips so they should get used to it from the get.

Anyway, the Bat was at this venue, kind of a home game kind of a poker club kind of a Shreveport legend.  Bat’s only been invited to play a few times but when he has it’s amazing how loose the game is and how eager these jabronis are to give away their money.  This time, the Bat is seated next to the guy that runs the joint.  Yeah, that’s right, dude is playing in his own game and not afraid to browbeat the Bat about rules.  Two kinds of brows, the Bat don’t like, browbeaters and unibrows.  This guy not only beat the Bat’s brow, but he sported a furry unibrow too, they were wild like John Madden’s and conjoined like siamese twins.

The Bat might have made mention of the shag carpeting above the guy’s eyes when the Bat told him to let his eyes out of the jungle so he could see the cards better.  He turned to the Bat and said, “You best be seated because your cards are dead if you aren’t square in that seat.  We got a house rule here.”  The Bat said “You best be grooming because that caterpillar is dead on your forehead and that is the square truth.”

Well the people get laughing, and the Bat sees the man start turning red and his pet above his eyebrows start  twitching, the Bat can’t help himself and says “Oh no, my mistake that thing ain’t dead it’s still living.  It’s a miracle.”

Next thing that Bat knows the proprietear kicks the chair clean out from the Bat’s kneeling spot and the Bat damn near tumbles into the table.  The guy with the chia worm says, “Outta of his seat!”  Grabs the Bat’s cards and firmly plants them in the muck.   Bat don’t get mad too often over a poker game.  Now the Bat will play with a man, chew him up a bit and then get back to the business of poker, and after he’s been humbled in the game and in the talk, let the fella off the hook with a joke.

This jabroni wasn’t getting a joke.  The Bat settled down a bit and righted himself as the room was now laughing at the Bat’s expense.  The Bat picks up his chair and puts his knee back on it.  Everybody waits.  The Bat announces “Deal!” and the old guy shuffles up and pitches the cards.  Then the Bat looks the guy that runs the place and says, “You knock my chair out from me again and I’m going to eat that worm on your head like a fish to bait.  A fish to bait.”

That ended that.  The Bat continued to kneel as he always did and that little bugger just about swallowed his tongue meaning the Bat didn’t have to swallow his upper mustache and the Bat wasn’t really in the mood to do that.

Til next time at the Same Bat Blog, Same Bat Post.

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