The Bat Attacks

Today was a good day for the Bat. 

The Bat destroyed, decimated, and decapitated.  The Bat destroyed the poker tables online, decimated the football pools, and decapitated a G.I.Joe figure in anger about the G.I.Joe movie.  G.I…….. Joe, A Real American He—-ro!  That thing made the Transformer movie look sophisticated and intelligent.  The Bat just watched the previews and was angry enough to bite off Destro’s head, no way the Bat is going to watch the entire movie.  They are wearing some sort of jet suits and jumping around like Robocops.  Don’t disappoint the Bat, Thor movie, that helmet might hurt.

This is a poker blog so the Bat needs to dish on the destruction and havoc the Bat wrought on the virtual tables.  The Bat likes to take small pocket pairs like 2s, 3s, and 4s and bring misery to those seated near him.  The recipe is easy, sprinkle in a little positive thinking, a powerful flop, a better turn and crush those fools that believe AA is a good hand.  It only wins four times out of five.  How is it going to beat four fours, three threes and a wheel? 

The Bat likes to taunt those fools that call all the way down with the overpair.  The Bat’s favorite taunt “Please Wheezy!”  The Bat doesn’t know what that means but he heard Doyle Brunson once say that to Dewey Tomko after a big hand.  So now if you get the Please Wheezy in your chatbox you might have just ran into the Bat.

The Bat hears that Darvin Moon will be down in New Orleans for the Saints-Patriots game and the Saints will recognize him for… something… wearing a hat?    Thats interesting.  Darvin was the underdog who almost won it all but didn’t.  The Saints are the ultimate underdog having their best season yet, they are undefeated, kind of Moon terrorizing the main event.  Did the guy even lose a hand?

Obviously, the logger from West Virginia wore a Saints hat the entire time, but he didn’t quite get it done.  The Saints this year can’t settle for not quite getting it done.   When they get to heads up with the Colts or the Patriots at the end of the year, there will be no second best, there should be no Joe Cada taking it down.  Only the Saints.

Hmmm.  Got to wonder if the team made the wrong decision in aligning themselves with an also ran.  The Bat feels they did.

The Bat plays his online poker on a mac these days.  Sure it’s a little fruity, even the powerful ones, kind of like a juiced up wrestler wearing silky tights.  Machismo or something else?  So the Bat’s macintosh was home to the sickness as the Bat put down bad beat after bad beat on his hapless poker opponents.   Still, when the Bat’s mac froze the Bat didn’t know what to do he had devoted his entire sunday to play poker online.    What would you do?  Silly reader, Macs don’t freeze.  That’s why the Bat got one.

On to the football pools.  The Bat has been crushing a survivor pool and put all of his teams on the Atlanta Falcons today.  The Bat never sweated that game, even when Tampa Bay was up.  Even when they were driving to hit a field goal to ensure the best the Falcons could do was tie (which they missed).  Even when the clock was just about runned out and the Falcons got a miracle penalty to get a new set of downs to put the ball in from the five. 

Why wasn’t the Bat worried.  One, the Bat doesn’t sweat… ever.  The Bat willed his sweat glans closed as a 13 year old.  Two, the Falcons were playing the Tampa Bay Bucs.  The Bucs.  Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.  The Bucs can’t hold on to a lead against anybody.  Remember when John Gruden used to coach there?  He was the cat’s pajamas for a while, but then the misery of that organization tainted him.  He became Tony Kornheiser’s replacement.  This guy was supposed to be Vince Lombardi’s replacement.  Then the Bucs infested him with their scent of losing and no he wears it like a bad toupee.

Who debuts a team with an orange uniform an Orange Julius kiosk would be embarrassed to wear.  In the NFL.  Come on. 

That’s enough for this week from The Bat, destroyer of poker dreams, decimator of football pools, and decapitor of Scottish Arms dealer Destro.  Fear the Bat.

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