Kamikazi Chip’n

So last week the Bat gives you the Stone Cold Donkey Nuts and this week he hears two people saying it… the Bat is a trend setter, that’s no doubt.  Anyway, poker fiends the Bat has some more poker terminology for you.

The Bat read the Tiltin’ Texan’s blog post the other day with all that Cardplayer geekese poker speak and it’s only fitting that the Bat gives you a helping of the trendy words of next year.  So next time you are at your home game telling the donkfish at your table he was sitting on the Donkey Nuts not the nuts, you can also debrief him on the white chip tell which the Bat has dubbed the Kamikazi Chip’n.

This is one of tells the Bat has learned over years of playing and believes in.  It only works on bad players so if anybody thinks you are decent don’t try and reverse the tell on them when you got a hand.  Nobody’s buying it at best they put you on a draw.

Anyways Kamikazi Chip’n is when the idiot at the end of the table is betting away at a pot and firing little go-away bets on the flop, turn and river.  Guess which chips he’s using?  The kind he doesn’t mind losing.

For some reason, the red chips being that they are more valuable than the white ones, are more likely to be used when the guy is sitting on a bigger hand.  Same is true of the green chips and black ones.  Though at times a casual flip of an overchip is meant as a scare tactic too, but that’s not usually done by a bad player.

No, a bad player, the Bat has noticed will put a stack of 10 white chips rather than two red ones which he’s got diddly.  He’ll also stack these lesser chips at the end and put them in the middle in an attempt to bluff at the pot when he’s got nothing.  It’s called Kamikazi Chip’n because those chips are on a suicide mission and they ain’t coming back to his stack. 

Now go use this tip on all the Latvians playing in Riga.

Donkey Nuts

The Bat saw Joe Seebok dressed as Robin on the front page of www.gulfcoastpoker.net.  Seebok must have gotten the memo that Bat was looking for a Robin.  The Bat will consider his credentials although it looks like he’s already signed with a mentor:  Phil Hellmuth and Ultimate Bet.   That’s nuts.

Speaking of nuts, The Bat wants to talk about a poker term you may not have heard but you should have, but the Bat knows you haven’t because the Bat hasn’t coined it yet.  Now, the Bat is coining it:  Donkey Nuts.

What’s a Donkey Nuts?  Donkey Nuts, to put it bluntly, are the beanbag of a ass or the hands a donkey thinks are the nuts.  They are called Donkey Nuts because an inexperienced player might bet into you like they are sitting on a royal flush yet only have top pair weak kicker.  Usually, the hands are a little better than that, but don’t think for a second a donkey won’t call you down with a naked ace and a terrible kicker.

Anyway, donkey nuts usually come out to play on a scary, brutal board where the river card tends to add straight and flush possibilities to an already paired board.  Donkey might think the last card that gave him two pair gave him the nuts and give every physical indication that he’s sitting on gold.

The Donkey Nuts is a mixed bag of decent but not great hands all to way to the genuine bonafide nuts.  The Bat gives you a tip, point out one of the 30 hands that the board just made and ask if the Donkey can beat it.  If the Donkey looks like you just took the carrot from the stick and broke out a whip, then call if you can beat one of the lesser hands.

The Bat likes donkeys and likes that donkeys think two pair is the nuts.  The Bat also enjoys it when a Donkey states he has the nuts his straight is worse than any flush. 

Oh well, good luck the next time you run into the Donkey Nuts, sometimes it takes horse balls to call.  Course if you play poker online, you don’t have to worry about a Donkey sitting like he just laid the golden egg, but that’s the advantage and disadvantage of internet poker.

Bat to Bat

The Bat has enjoyed a crazy week of action in online poker and real poker.  The Bat likes to play poker online if he can play limit poker.  Of late the Bat has had to stop his losses, gross, gross losses that running bad in no limit poker can do to a fella.

Two outer on the river?  Don’t worry donkeynut you’ll get there.  Afterall, you are playing the Bat, the worst lucktard in the box.  Used to be when the Bat would play online poker he’d steamroll the regs, the fishes, the newbies, the luckboxes, the lunchboxes, and the box of crayons three primary colors short of set.

Now, it’s the Bat running into sets, and the Bat flattened like a human pancake in the wake of a runaway steamroller.  Flop a set, overbet to protect, get a terrible call for all of a gentleman’s chips and watch runner runner flush the Bat down the toliet like an after coffee grumper.  It’s been so bad, the Bat is thinking about giving up the online game.

In the Bat’s local home game, it’s been no better.  The Bat feels like the local Phil Hellmuth, the Bat used to chew up these brokeasses and spit them out like a sunflower seed casing, now they are the ones doing the breaking.  Let’s take a look at a hand.

Bat is playing an older gentlemen, you know the type, the guy who shoves all in and says well I gotta go home anyway, and everytime he does that he’s got the nuts.  Seems somebody tipped him off that because the Bat watched him try that play (and the regs always fold) and espied the grey-haired greaser’s cards… absolute garbage.

So, later like the sucker buying rolexes on the street in Manhattan, the geezer tries the same play with the Bat.  Bat eyes him up and down and says this guy has been doing this with a bluff earlier, and must be doing it again, so the Bat makes a hero call.

STONE COLD NUTS.  The table rolls their eyes and of course expects the Bat to show a hand like second nuts.  Used to be you didn’t call the old man with anything but top two hands.  Course the Bat saw the old guy change things up and then the Bat was fanning at the double-reverse.  The Bat hates poker sometimes.

Bat’s Rant

The Beau went black for the night.  That wasn’t fun.  I headed to the Isle of Capris and locked horns with a fellow cowboy still livin’ in the old west.  I shipped it like a runaway stagecoach in one memorable pot I’ve already forgotten.

Apparently, there was a power outage.  Methinks somebody ran a little too hot on the craps table and somebody hit the switch.  Or not.  Nobody was running hot on the craps table, and I should know I play craps online.

Also, they had a two day event where after you bust on day one you can come back on day two and buy back in.  Then they merged and everybody got together for an in the money party on day three.  Only problem some folks didn’t quite make the money and had to return for nothing. 

They didn’t quite get there ducks in a row.  The Bat has the solution because the tournament was a good idea though maybe not quite executed the right way.  Here’s your fix tournament directors straight from the Bat’s mouth.

On day one you play until there is only 10% of the field left.  On day two, if they reach 10% of that day’s entrants earlier.  The money bubble has popped and they keep playing until they reach the time it took for day one’s bubble to pop.  Yes, they are first ones out but because of the nature of the event if this is stated before hand it is kind of like a penalty for the rebuy.  For the players who only bought in on day 2.  It’s their problem.

Now, if the tournament hasn’t reached 10% by the time day one did.  They keep playing but they STOP the clock.    Then when the bubble breaks they bring everybody back.  Feel free to mix the two groups or don’t.  No sweat.

Easy, easy fix.  Yet, somehow, they ended up paying too many and some people didn’t get paid when they came back two days later.

Anyway, the rest of the Bat’s trip has been fun.  It’s a great casino, and the Bat who likes to play casino online, had fun playing blackjack, roulette, and 3 card poker.

The Bat’s Bad Beat

The Bat has travled to the GCPC undercover.  Found some interesting articles about poker and travel over at Bet and Win Poker.  Course this time the Bat was driving so they didn’t apply so much, but if you travel you might want to read them.

In Event 1, the Bat bubbled.  The Bat hates to bubble, hates bubbles in his drink, hates the NCAA tournament where they talk about the bubble being on it or off it for three weeks every year, hates the movie the bubble boy, and finds bubble gum to be repugnant.

So for the Bat to bubbble is a bit like Phil Hellmuth getting donked out of a tournament by a spewtard from Holland overbetting 3-7.  The Bat was irate.  Inside the Bat considered tossing a chair at the big t.v. screens all over the Beau.  That’ll teach them to put a cooler like AK v. AA on the Bat.

Here’s how the hand went down.  The Bat was sitting on the button, THE BUTTON! in an unopened pot.  His opponent in the BB was sitting over a massive chip stack like he was the Godfather of poker and riding the table like he was a jockey and we were Secretariat.  The Bat don’t like that.

Anyway, the Bat thinks he’s going to snap off Willie Shoemaker (famous jockey) this time.  The guy can’t help defending his blinds.  The Bat fires out a 4k raise.  The Small Blind a mousey little fellow from Panama City folded and the Big Blind completed.

Now, the Bat’s done told you the end of the story so these details don’t mean a hill of beans, but bare with the Bat.  The BB calls.  You can decide if it was a smooth call, a flat call, or a value call, but it was definitely a call.

The board flops out K high.  The Bat is salivating.  The BB puts out this wussy 1/8th the pot bet and the Bat is ready to double up.  No flush or straight draws let’s let this silly bastard get a cheap turn card.

The Bat calls.  The turn is a K.  It’s the Bat’s day.  Obviously, the BB fires out another small bet and the Bat calls him.

River is an Ace.  The Bat might just get paid.  Out of nowhere the BB shoves and the Bat insta-calls.  Hello Aces, goodbye cruel tournament the Bat goes out in 61st.