The Bat Sense

Sometimes when the Bat steps into a dicey situation be it on the felt or off, the Bat gets this tingle up his spine, it starts in the balls of the Bat’s feet and runs up the spine, right into the base of the cerebellum, and the Bat knows, the Bat done wrong.

Let the Bat give you, intrepid reader, some examples:

The Bat walked up into line at Target, the Bat knew, the Bat picked the wrong line.  A fat dude, by the way the Bat is fat, so the Bat can call another man fat,  anyway fattie started peeling off something from his murse, and the Bat’s sense went tingle, tingle.  Sure enough it was a stack off coupons.  Before the Bat could act, the other line had lengthened by two.

The Bat sense got riled up online the other day, when the bat was multi-tabling, watching TV, and sucking the orange grim of cheetos of his fingers, when bam, blam, bizow it’s AA, KK, AQ, and J10 suited on the Button.  Because the Bat isn’t Patrik Anotonius, the Bat froze up, yet the Bat sense was on haywire. 

 The Bat raises AQ, limps with AA, raises KK, and raises J10 sooted.  Nobody raised the limp pot and the Bat was staring at 6 opponents with AA.  The KK got two callers.  The AQ got reraised and called preflop.  The Bat disposed of that hand, and saw a flop with J10.  8QA.  The Bat mucked in the face of a raise (missing the the double belly buster).

Sure enough, the Bat got stacked with AA and KK and would have won with  AQ and J10.  The Bat’s sense is not to be trifled with.

So today with the Bat sense on full blare but sittings at a red light, the Bat wondered why the tingle was afoot.  The Bat looks left, looks right, and finally glances in the rear view.  A truck is barreling full steam at the back of the Bat’s vette.  The Bat blew through the red and the truck skidded to a stop… in the middle of the intersection.  You want to learn how to avoid accidents?  If you lack a Bat Sense go here.

The Bat sense is good to have.  So what’s the Bat to do?  Head to the casino and play some blackjack?  Sounds like a winning plan.   Or so, the Bat thought.  The dealer got none of his good Bat sense before a heand.  Okay, the Bat headed home and decided to play online blackjack.  That went a little better.  Online blackjack, despite the human touch treated the Bat right today. 

The Bat plopped $200 down and 2 hours and 23 minutes later was staring at $1025.  The Bat dipped below $900 but got back to 1k and ended the session up $800.  The Bat’s sense might have been off at the casino but was all right at home.  The Bat loves to play blackjack online.

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The Bat Knows Better

Playing a high stakes online poker game The Bat got involved in a hand that really  chaps the Bat.  The Bat has A5 suited and has raised an unopened pot from late position.  The Big Blind, a tricky player, calls as does the button (any two cards is being generous, if this guy held only one card and it was a 10 or up he’d be in the pot and probably raising).  The flop came K85, two spades. 

The tricky player checked.  The Bat put out a little bet, trying to mislead more than anything. 

The button folded.  The tricky player called.

Turn was a red 5.  The Bat now had a pair.  That’s good right?  It’s good enough with a flush draw when the Bat wants to play poker online.

Tricky player checked and the Bat led out with a little bit more aggressive bet.  Tricky player called, smoothly or flat or whatever needless adjective you prefer to put in from the word call.  Besides maybe float call, which the Bat has never seen written before but is happy to coin a new phrase for you avid readers and possible Robins, adjectives before call are as worthless as describing a pregnancy with terms like little or a lot or mostly or partially.  You are either pregnant or you ain’t and you either call or you don’t.

The Bat is dejected on fifth street.  Brick city.  Suddenly the tricky player fires out a bet which is big.  It’s a don’t call me bet.  The Bat stews.  It don’t make sense.  Is it a missed draw?  Maybe.  Is it 2nd pair and trying to bet out a weak king or a pocket pair smaller than a king.  That’s probably what it is.

Hmmm.  The Bat doesn’t think he has enough chips to make the Tricky player fold by shoving over the top.  The Bat can’t even beat an 8, but truth be told the 8 didn’t make sense.  The only flush draws that made sense were QJ or J10 and those didn’t make too much sense.

The Bat types U got 1010. 

Time is almost up (no response).

The Bat calls.

The opponent shows 1010.

Anyway, nice read.  Bad call.  The Bat plays as bad as a noob.  The Bat will need to go back to poker school before hitting the felt again.

No Robins as yet…

-Not that the Bat hasn’t had a ton of applications.   In fact, if the Bat wasn’t so discriminating he’d allow

robinbird

some of you former waitresses to become the Robin of my dreams, but the Bat is setting his sights a little younger and more qualified.   It’s one thing to sling waffles at the waffle house it’s another thing to serve the Bat drinks as he crushes online poker.  Keep the photos coming and if it’s Black and White that’s fine if you are artsy, but it better not be black and white because that was the only kind of camera when you got the photo made.  The Bat ain’t no spring chicken but you better believe his Robin will be.

Look folks, the Bat is offering the opportunity of a lifetime.  The robin, not the eagle is actually the bird keeping an eye on the White House.  It’s a big honor in the States of America.  Being the Bat’s robin is an even bigger honor.  It’s a chance to educate yourself at the feet of the Louisiana poker star is your lucky day.  The Bat will show you how to outdraw your opponents, how to peer into the soul (through the intertubes, through their monitor, through their eyes, right above their kidneys and into their soul), how to stop suckouts (sounds impossible here’s a tip you know the code for Contra to give you extra lives try a similar one next time you got AK vs. AQ and it’ll hold),  and how to hold my liquor.  Actually, you should already know how to hold the Bat’s liquor–keep it close by at all times.

-The Bat recently was stateside and ducked into a casino.  For the first time in the Bat’s short life and poker career he ran into quads three times in one evening.  This wasn’t on a computer this was in a cash game.  The Bat lost all three pots obviously.  Here’s what to do when the board is paired and your opponent holds the other two cards that match.  Fold.  Or pay the man his money.

The Bat is itching to get over his latest downswing and play some more online Texas Hold’em.   The Bat can be seen crushing all over the internets.  Next time, the Bat hopes to have a photo of his new robin.  She’ll be playing online poker and loving it.   The Bat needs his own lady gaga.